when this shit comes back – that is when you know you are fucked – she ain’t got no hair on her head and she ain’t got no eyebrows – and you keep telling her she looks pretty – but she looks like a freak – covered in bruises – makes strangers feel sick – makes them turn away – best not to think about things like this – a seven year old freak – and she knows it – and you tell her that she will make it this time too – that she is so strong and so brave and so good – and jesus is looking out for her again – but you hardly have the strength to go through this again yourself – and you know it is not looking good this time – and you know there is no jesus – and if there is a jesus – he is one sick cruel fucker – or he just does not give a fuck – god’s damaged goods – the sins of the father – she can hear your encouraging words – but she can see the heavy lines on your brow – and your red eyes – and she can hear the kind but broken dishonesty in your words – and even at seven years old – she knows too – that she is going to die – she even says: ‘don’t worry mummy – i know i might die this time – it’s ok – don’t be sad.’ – and then try not to cry yourself – (just you fucking try)– and everyone is saying how brave you all are – like as if you have any choice in fighting or living this thing – this mutation of cells – yes – hear that loud and clear you fucking jesus lovers – the mutation of fucking cells – and they are organising this marathon – and they are collecting money – and there are posters – with pictures of your little girl – smiling – but with the subtle shadow of death on her face – and eyes – without eyelashes – pleading to the guilt of strangers – (just one of many tragic cases – too many to help – what is the point? –– i don’t want to think about sick shit like this when i’m trying the best i can to hold my own fucking life together – why can’t these fuckers go away and die with some dignity? – why did i have to look at that face? i wonder if she is dead already?) – and you go to sleep knowing that whatever money raised will be too late – there is no marrow – she is not strong enough – so a fucking memorial fund – to go into research – so that other poor unlucky damaged girls of the future may benefit – because one thing is for sure – that cunt jesus ain’t gonna come down and rescue any of his little children.